"Do you need me to swear to my bill?" the doctor asked of the clerk.

"No," answered the clerk, "Death of the deceased is sufficient evidence that you attended him professionally."

A doctor and a lawyer, who were friends, were chatting at a cocktail party. They were interrupted by a woman neither knew well, complaining to the doctor that her arm hurt. She explained the symptoms, and even rolled up her sleeve to have the doctor look at her arm.

After she walked away, the doctor said to his friend, "I never know what to do in those situations! Do you think I should send her a bill?"

The lawyer thought about it, and said yes, it was appropriate to send a bill. The next day, the doctor had his nurse send the woman a bill and the lawyer had his secretary send the doctor a bill.

Will Rogers on Legal Writing:

"The minute you read something and you can't understand it, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. Then if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don't know just what it means, why then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If it's in a few words and is plain and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.

Every time a lawyer writes something, he is not writing for posterity, he is writing so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said, 'course perhaps he hadn't really said anything, that's what makes it hard to explain."

A Lawyer’s Dictionary of Medical Terminology

Artery - Places for paintings and sculptures

Bacteria - Rear entrance to the cafeteria

Barium - What doctors do to patients who die

Bowel - Key letters sounding like a, e, i, o and u

Cat Scan - Feline survey followed by midnight yowling

Cauterize - Made eye contact at the cocktail party

Dilate - Live inordinately long

Ear - Where you now are

Enema - Not a friend

Fester - Quicker

GI Series - Military ball games

Impotent - Person worthy of attention

Kidney - Part of a child's leg

Labor pain - Work injury generating Workmen S Comp

Morbid - A higher offer

Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates

Node - Finally realized it

Outpatient - Inpatient who has fainted

Postoperative - Letter carrier

Rectum - Dang near killed 'em

Terminal illness - Barfing at the airport

Tumor - Right after "one for the road"

Urine - Opposite of "You’re out"

Varicose - Quite nearby

Vein - Conceited